How to Manage Former Peers After a Promotion

Abstract

This article is about how to manage former peers after a promotion, and why being their friend and their manager at once is hard. Two pieces of research bear on it. An interview study of 33 people in mining and childcare, 30 of them leaders who had been promoted over their crews or teams, found that nearly all described a conflict between leading and friendship. The leaders also described five ways of handling it. A study of 34 junior investment bankers and consultants about to take on more senior roles found that they adapted by watching role models, trying out temporary versions of the role, and judging the results. Neither study tested which approach works best, and neither looked at finance professionals promoted over their own teams. The three steps at the end are practical readings of this research and of ordinary management practice, not tested methods, and they are not legal or medical advice.

The announcement at nine

The announcement goes out at nine. By ten, four people from the team you sat with at last month-end have congratulated you, and one has added a private message: "Drinks on Friday? You're still one of us, right?"

By Wednesday, one of them asks to leave early on Friday. A month ago she would have told you in the kitchen. Now you are the person who signs it off. On Thursday you see that another colleague's reconciliations are late again, and the conversation about it is yours.

You were promoted because you were good at the work. Nothing in that work prepared you for this part.

How do I manage former peers after a promotion?

Research cannot say which approach works best, and nothing cited here studied finance teams promoting from within. It does point to two things you can work with: the two kinds of discomfort that leaders in your position describe, and the way people adapt to a new role by trying things and checking how they land. The next two sections cover the studies. The three steps after them turn this into something you can do in your first weeks.

What leaders promoted from within described

Unsworth and colleagues (2018) interviewed 33 people in three organisations: two mining companies and a childcare organisation. They included 22 mining leaders, among them leading hands and supervisors, the eight team leaders in the childcare organisation, and three other team members, interviewed to corroborate the findings. The authors targeted people who had been promoted over their crews or teams, where the chance of having worked with those they now led was high. They also visited the sites over time.

Almost all the leaders described a psychological conflict between being a leader and being a friend, in one or both of two forms. The first was vulnerability: worry that friends would take advantage, for example by asking for leave, favours or confidential information. The second was using power: discomfort in disciplining friends, giving them directions or handling confidential matters.

The leaders described five ways of dealing with it. They handed responsibility upward or focused only on the friendship, ended the friendship, kept the two roles apart (usually work against outside work), let the roles overlap, or used the friendship to lead. The authors propose that the type of conflict and the leader's own sense of identity, such as seeing oneself as "the boss" or as someone who simply holds a role, shape which way a leader goes. That is a proposal built from interviews, not a tested result. The study does not say which way works best, and it cannot say how common each is. It mostly records the leaders' side: only three team members were interviewed, to corroborate the findings.

Read the Wednesday leave request through this. It is the vulnerability kind. The late reconciliations are the power kind. This is an inference: it sorts your two problems into the study's two categories. The study did not look at leave requests or reconciliations in finance teams.

What bankers and consultants did when their role changed

Ibarra (1999) studied 34 junior professionals at two elite firms: 15 investment bankers and 19 management consultants. She spoke to them as they were about to move into roles with more responsibility, for example from associate to vice president, or from analytic work to managing projects and clients. It was not a study of leading former peers.

She describes three tasks in adapting. People observed role models and judged which of their behaviour they could use and wanted to use. They experimented with "provisional selves", temporary trial versions of the professional they might become. Then they judged the results against their own sense of what felt authentic and against how others reacted.

Most people imitated, either one role model or traits from several. Some stayed with their familiar analytic style and reported feeling inhibited with clients. One consultant who copied an aggressive boss was so uncomfortable with how far he had moved from himself that he dropped that model and adjusted his own style. Generic advice such as "be more assertive" did not reliably change behaviour. Feedback was more likely to be taken in when it came from someone the person had a close relationship with.

The study was small, not randomly selected, and built to generate a theory. Ibarra did not measure whether any approach produced better results.

Read your first month through this. You are likely to try a few ways of leading and notice which feel like you. This is an inference. It comes from bankers and consultants moving into new roles, not from people leading their former colleagues.

How to manage former peers after a promotion: three steps

None of these is a cure, and none was tested on finance teams. They combine what the research points to with ordinary management practice. Where a step goes beyond the research, it says so.

1. Sort your worries into two lists, and decide your answers before you are asked. Under "they might take advantage", write the requests you expect: early leave, inside information, a lighter share of the close. Under "I have to use authority", write what you must do: set priorities, correct late work, decide who covers. For each request, write your answer now. For instance: "Leave is approved when the close calendar allows, on the same terms for everyone." The two lists are an inference from Unsworth and colleagues (2018). Deciding your answers in advance is a judgement. No study cited here tested either on finance teams.

2. Talk to each former peer once, in the first two weeks, and say what changes. Keep it short and private. Say what you will now decide, what will stay confidential, and that you still want to work well together. For instance: "I'll be signing off leave and doing the reviews now. I'd like us to keep working the way we do, and I'd rather tell you what changes than let you guess. What would help you in this?" This is a judgement. The 2018 study found leaders handling the tension in very different ways and did not say which was best. Saying it once makes your choice visible instead of leaving each person to work it out. If one of the conversations is hard, Difficult Conversations: A Framework for Honest Communication covers how to prepare.

3. Try one new behaviour at a time, and ask one person how it landed. Choose one thing a leader you respect does, such as how they open a team meeting or how they give a deadline, and use it for two weeks. Then ask someone you trust: "What did you notice?" If it feels like faking, drop it and try another. This is an inference from Ibarra (1999), who described people trying out temporary versions of the role and checking them against their own sense of authenticity and other people's reactions. The study was small and did not test whether this improves results.

If you notice yourself checking everyone's work to feel in control, How to Deal With a Micromanaging Boss in Finance describes how that feels from the other side. If the first hard conversation keeps replaying in your head, How to Stop Replaying Criticism From Your Boss is about that loop.

Questions People Ask

Do I have to end friendships with people on my team?

The 2018 study found leaders who ended friendships, leaders who kept the roles apart, and others who let the two overlap or used the friendship to lead. It did not test which works best, so there is no research answer. A practical test is a judgement: could you make the same decision about this person as you would about anyone else on the team? If yes, the friendship may not need to end. If not, other new leaders in the study described the same position.

What if a former peer wanted the job?

Neither study looked at this. This is a judgement. Speak to the person privately and early. Acknowledge that the outcome may be disappointing without apologising for being chosen, and ask what they need to keep working well with you. Then keep the conversation about the work.

Is it normal to feel uncomfortable giving instructions to friends?

In the 2018 study almost all the leaders described some conflict between leading and friendship, so in that group it was a common experience. The study cannot say how common it is more widely, or in finance teams. Whether yours is an ordinary adjustment or more than that depends on how long it lasts and what it stops you doing, which the last section covers.

Do these findings apply to finance teams?

Not directly. The interviews were in mining and childcare, and the second study followed bankers and consultants into new roles, not leaders of former peers. The findings give you a direction to try, not proof that it works in your team.

When it is more than a difficult adjustment

Finding a new role uncomfortable is one thing. It is more when dread of Monday lasts for weeks, when it disturbs your sleep, when you avoid conversations you need to have, or when you have panic attacks or physical symptoms such as chest pain. In those cases talk to your doctor or a qualified mental health professional. If a former peer openly refuses reasonable instructions or undermines you after you have spoken to them, treat that as a conduct or performance matter rather than a friendship matter, and raise it with your own manager or HR. This article is not medical or legal advice. Coaching is educational support for work patterns. It is not treatment and not a substitute for it.

If your own manager sets the team a deadline it cannot meet, How to Push Back on an Unrealistic Deadline in Finance covers what to say.

Sources

• Ibarra, H. (1999). Provisional selves: Experimenting with image and identity in professional adaptation. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(4), 764–791. DOI: 10.2307/2667055

• Unsworth, K. L., Kragt, D., & Johnston-Billings, A. (2018). Am I a leader or a friend? How leaders deal with pre-existing friendships. The Leadership Quarterly, 29(6), 674–685. DOI: 10.1016/j.leaqua.2018.07.003