Why You Stay Silent When You Disagree With Your Boss

Abstract

This article is about why you may stay silent when you disagree with your boss, and what speaking up can cost. Three pieces of research bear on it. An interview study of 40 employees found that 34 of them had at some point felt unable to raise an important issue with their boss, and that the most common reason was fear of being viewed negatively. A study of a restaurant chain, with 3,149 crew members and 223 shift managers, found that a manager's openness was the leadership behaviour most consistently linked with employees speaking up, and that the link ran through how safe people felt. A set of three studies found that managers rated employees who spoke up in a challenging way as weaker performers than employees who spoke up in a supportive way. The findings come from interviews, surveys and experiments, and none tested a way of disagreeing that works. The three steps at the end are practical readings, not tested methods, and they are not legal or HR advice.

The forecast review at ten past four

It is ten past four. Your finance director presents the forecast to the review group and says the growth assumption is firm. You think it is too high, and you have the figures to show it. He asks whether anyone has questions. You look at your notes and say that it looks fine.

By five you have written to him three times. In the first draft you disagree with the assumption. In the second you ask a question that is the same disagreement in a softer form. In the third you ask only whether the timeline is final. You send none of them.

At eleven in the evening you are still making your case in your head, and he is not there to hear it.

Why do you stay silent when you disagree with your boss?

Researchers use the word voice for speaking up with ideas, concerns or disagreement, and silence for holding them back. Both can be a choice, and both have reasons.

Research cannot tell you why you in particular stayed quiet at ten past four. It does point to three things that shape the choice: what you expect to happen to you, what your boss has shown you before, and how your words will be heard. The next three sections cover the studies. The three steps after them turn this into things you can do.

What 40 employees said about staying silent

Milliken, Morrison and Hewlin (2003) interviewed 40 full-time employees, recruited from part-time MBA classes. They worked in consulting, financial services, new media, pharmaceuticals and advertising, and about 30% were in financial services. Of the 40, 34 (85%) said that at least once they had felt unable to raise an important issue with their boss.

The issues ranged from a colleague's or supervisor's performance to company processes, pay, and disagreement with company decisions. The authors report that the most common reason was fear of being viewed or labelled negatively, which could damage valued relationships. Other reasons included a belief that speaking up would make no difference and fear of punishment. The sample was small, the respondents were relatively young and inexperienced, and they described past events from memory.

Read ten past four through this. Saying that the forecast looked fine, so as not to be the person who questions the director, matches the pattern the interviewees described. This is an inference. The interviews covered many kinds of issues in many workplaces, not finance directors in particular.

What makes people speak up

Detert and Burris (2007) studied a chain of casual dining restaurants in two phases. In the first, 3,149 crew members answered a survey about their general manager and their own speaking up. In the second, 223 shift managers were followed over ten months, and their general managers rated their performance.

The authors compared two leadership styles: transformational leadership, and managerial openness, meaning how far a manager invites input. Openness was the behaviour most consistently related to speaking up, even after personality, satisfaction and demographics were controlled. The link ran through how safe employees felt about speaking up, which the authors call psychological safety. The effect was modest, and it was strongest for the best-performing employees. The study covers one restaurant chain, and the first phase relied on self-reports.

Read your own boss through this. What mattered in this study was how a manager's behaviour made speaking up feel, not how the role was described. This is an inference. The study measured restaurant crews and shift managers, not finance teams, and it cannot tell you how your boss will react.

How bosses react to disagreement

Burris (2012) ran a field study and two experiments on how managers respond to employee voice. The question was whether the reaction depends on how people speak up: with voice that challenges how things are done, or voice that supports it.

According to the abstract, managers rated employees who used more challenging voice as worse performers, and endorsed their ideas less often, than employees who used supportive voice. Managers' sense of how loyal and how threatening the person was helped to explain this, in different ways. This is summarised from the published abstract, so the paper's own definitions and sample sizes are not reported here.

Read your options through this. The same disagreement can land as help or as a threat depending on how it is put. This is an inference. These studies measured how managers rated people and their ideas, not what happens to a career after a disagreement.

How to disagree with your boss: three steps

None of these is a cure, and none was tested on finance professionals. They combine what the research points to with ordinary practice. Where a step goes beyond the research, it says so.

1. Name the one thing you disagree with, and tie it to a shared goal. Choose a single assumption, number or decision, and say what you want to protect. For instance: "I want the forecast to hold up in the review. Can I check one assumption, the growth rate, before it goes out?" In Burris (2012), reactions differed between challenging and supportive voice. This is an inference. No study cited here tested this wording.

2. Ask for a short private slot before you speak in a group. Send a line such as: "Could we take ten minutes before the review? I have one point on the assumptions." A one-to-one gives your boss room to ask questions without an audience. This is a judgement. In Milliken, Morrison and Hewlin (2003), fear of being viewed negatively, which could damage valued relationships, was the most common reason for silence. No study cited here tested a private conversation.

3. Look at how your boss has reacted before, and shape your approach to match. Think of the last time someone raised a problem with this person. Were they thanked, questioned or avoided afterwards? For instance, write two lines: "Last time: Anna challenged the budget. Response: asked for her numbers, nothing changed in tone." Detert and Burris (2007) found that managers' openness was the leadership behaviour most consistently related to speaking up, through how safe people felt. This is an inference. Their study did not test whether reading your boss's past reactions helps you decide, and it cannot tell you when silence is the wiser choice.

If the point you want to raise is about your own error, How to Tell Your Boss You Made a Mistake in the Numbers is about that conversation. If your numbers are being questioned, How to Respond When Your Numbers Are Questioned covers it. If you stayed silent and the moment keeps replaying, How to Stop Replaying Criticism From Your Boss is about that loop.

Questions People Ask

How do I disagree with my boss in a meeting?

The research cited here did not test meeting tactics. It describes people staying silent for fear of being viewed negatively, and managers in Burris's studies rating challenging voice less favourably. A short private conversation before the meeting, as in step 2, is a judgement and not a research finding. Difficult Conversations: A Framework for Honest Communication goes through preparing for one.

Is it risky to disagree with your boss?

It can be. In Burris (2012), managers rated people who spoke up in a challenging way lower on performance, and the studies measured ratings and endorsement, not later careers. How risky it is for you depends on your boss, your organisation and how you put it, which these studies cannot tell you. If your boss checks every step you take, How to Deal With a Micromanaging Boss in Finance covers that case.

Why am I afraid to speak up at work?

The interviewees in Milliken, Morrison and Hewlin (2003) named fear of being labelled, worry about damaging relationships, a sense that it would make no difference, and fear of punishment. The study cannot say which applies to you. Naming your own reason in one line is a judgement that helps you pick a step.

Should I disagree with my boss in writing or in person?

The studies cited here did not compare the two. Writing leaves a record and gives your boss time to think. Talking lets you read the reaction. Which suits your boss is a judgement you can make from step 3. In either case, keep the message about the work.

When it is more than a hard conversation

Staying quiet in one meeting is one thing. It is more when you are afraid to raise a real risk, such as an error in a report that others will rely on, or when you are being punished for speaking up. If you are worried about an ethics or compliance issue, use the route your organisation provides, such as a compliance channel, an HR contact or a legal adviser. If worry about speaking up keeps you awake for weeks, or comes with low mood or panic, talk to your doctor. This article is not legal, HR or medical advice. Coaching is educational support for work patterns. It is not treatment and not a substitute for it.

Sources

• Burris, E. R. (2012). The risks and rewards of speaking up: Managerial responses to employee voice. Academy of Management Journal, 55(4), 851–875. DOI: 10.5465/amj.2010.0562 (Summarised from the published abstract.)

• Detert, J. R., & Burris, E. R. (2007). Leadership behavior and employee voice: Is the door really open? Academy of Management Journal, 50(4), 869–884. DOI: 10.5465/amj.2007.26279183 (Summarised from the published abstract.)

• Milliken, F. J., Morrison, E. W., & Hewlin, P. F. (2003). An exploratory study of employee silence: Issues that employees don't communicate upward and why. Journal of Management Studies, 40(6), 1453–1476. DOI: 10.1111/1467-6486.00387